Did you know that smiling more can make you more happy?
Did you know that simply standing with confidence can help build confidence?
These two things sound a little redundant, but I can promise you that they aren’t. Our actions have a huge role in determining how we experience life, and our actions towards ourselves are no different.
The way we treat, think of, and talk to ourselves can have a huge impact on our lives. If we act negatively towards ourselves, our life will seem more negative.
“I’m an awful player. I’ll never be able to win a performance job. I suck at horn, so don’t ask me for advice. I’m actually the worst horn player. I hate this repertoire. This is a waste of my time. I’ll never be good at this. I don’t think I can do that.”
Negative, self-deprecating attitudes about our craft, our ability, and ourselves can quickly become extremely pervasive and end up hurting the achievement we have worked so hard on. While making jokes about feeling inadequate or “sucking at something” helps pass off our emotions in the moment, continued depreciation of our self-image is really hurtful in the long term. Similarly, self-talk is a self-fulfilling prophecy. As soon as you say “I can’t!” your brain accepts that as truth. Can’t Never Will.
Let me share a little secret truth: You CAN do great things. You WILL do great things. The difference between negative self talk and positive achievement is all found in how you frame your life and the world around you. When we frame our lives with positivity and optimism we are telling ourselves that while we may not be where we want to now, we believe that we will get there. I’m going to lead you through an activity to help you realize that you are capable of achieving your goals.
First, we are going to be realistically optimistic.
This is not an opportunity for you to lie to yourself. I’m not asking you to tell yourself “I am the singular best horn player in the world! I can master all my music in a snap!” because that is not necessarily true. You first of all need to accept where and what you are. For example, here is what I would say:
“I am a music education major at CU. I know I always try to do my best. I am proud of my achievements. I have an upcoming recital, and I know it will go well. I am really good at sight reading rhythms and intervals. I am confident in my abilities.”
Second, we are going to make goals and align ourselves to achieving them.
This is where we can dream a little bit. Where is your most optimistic version of your future self? Let’s practice in 2 contexts: the micro (small goals) and the macro (large goals). The micro goals are personal musical goals. The macro goals are personal life goals. Let’s work with 4 time intervals: 5 years from now, 1 year from now, 3 months from now, and next week. Find a piece of paper and write out the micro (music) and macro (life) for where you see yourself at these four times.
For example, my personal micro (musical) goals would look like this:
Micro (Music) goals: 1. 5 years from now I would like to have a job as a band director with a good program. 2. 1 year from now I will be preparing to graduate from college and will be applying to teach music at public schools. 3. 3 months from now I will be about to put on a fall recital that I know will go well and will be well attended. 4. Next week I will be taking my final exams and will finish this spring semester strong with good grades.
What do your goals look like? Are you surprised at what you wrote down? Is it reasonable? How does it feel to see in front of you?
Thirdly, we are going to get motivated to reach our goals.
Now that you’ve made some goals for yourself, let’s make time for a pep talk. Watch this video by Kid President.
Notice the inspired feeling you might have after watching this video. Revisit the goals you just wrote. Underneath your goals, write whys. Why did you write the things you wrote for yourself?
Let’s go one step farther and re-frame the way we view ourselves.
Next to your micro goals, write 3 things you like about your playing.
Next to your macro goals, write 3 things you like about yourself.
This is an opportunity to practice kindness to yourself. Have you been really self-negative lately? Think about it. Re-frame your views on yourself and your abilities.
Breathe. Believe. Be. 